March 4, 2016

• Could be Worse

  When I was making plans for what I was going to do after I returned to the US, there were some things I was hoping to avoid. I wanted to return home and pay respects to my mom and my nephew, visit with some friends I hadn't seen in ten years, and find a job in Tennessee. Things went in reverse order, though. I got a job in Tennessee that I wasn't qualified for, then ended up in Kentucky, where I paid respects to my mom but not yet to my nephew, and have been unemployed since arriving.

  Then came the hospital stays for congestive heart failure in August and September. Then came the prescription drugs for hypertension, thyroid, and removing excess fluids. Then came the monthly visits with health care professionals. Then came physical therapy. Then came the application for SSI. Then came the most recent visit to the eye doctor who couldn't do a pupil dilation and who told me to visit with specialists in Lexington, Kentucky, but only with a recommendation from my primary care physician. The glasses I got while in Tennessee are no longer correcting my vision like they did a year ago when I first got them.

  I know how I feel right now. It is unfortunate that I am too easily winded, but I am trying to lose the excess weight. I walk most places if they are within ten blocks, and on Saturdays I walk a lot further than that so I can attend church. Fortunately, I haven't come down with a cold, which according to one of my HCPs can easily turn into pneumonia based on my condition. Sundays I attend church with my sister, and try to contribute something to their Sunday School discussions. Other than that, I have a place to stay at the Salvation Army shelter and am able to look for a job and for housing.

  Writing poetry is one thing. I wish that the 3,000 friends on Facebook would have bought them, but to date only $11 is on my account at BookBaby.com. I need to be writing more than just poetry, and don't care much for the jam in my head that is making things more difficult than they are.

  I'm tired of walking. The two tears in my backpack are eventually going to rip, and then no more backpack that I've been carrying with me since I was in Chuncheon, South Korea. It's been on my back through six countries and three states. Gonna miss it a lot when it finally gives up the ghost. And it will be a long time before I will be able to replace it. Other than that, I do have a bus pass, which is good for a warm place to sit in the mornings. Unfortunately, there is no bus service on Saturdays or Sundays.

  I could have it a lot worse. I know that. But there is no way of knowing if things had gone the way I planned, in the order that I had them planned out, if things would be any better. Idiots and imbeciles will tell me that I have to make due with the hand that I've been dealt. I have done this in the past many times and have long since stopped playing card games. There is no enjoyment in them for me. But I can say that about a lot of other things, as well.

  More later.

  • 1:23 pm
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