It has been snowing for the last four hours. The parking lot at Tim Horton's shows evidence of being busy by the tire tracks and footprints in the snow. As I look out the window I shiver due to the cold. Sometimes it looks pretty. Sometimes it looks depressing. I'll be out in it soon enough.

The first snowfall of the year should be special. It brings the world to a standstill for those seeking the peace and quiet of a muffled world covered in white. There is still the danger of bad drivers driving junk cars in need of a brake job on ice-covered roads, but in spite of the threat of a fender-bender, there is the promise that all will be well if we calm down enough to enjoy the moment. Slow it down. Take time out to breathe. Let the moment embrace us for a while.

I should be in panic mode, but I'm not. My situation is precarious, as I have been unemployed for a year. My income has been dwindling. I'm behind in rent. And I have no idea how to make hopes and dreams come true.

While in Thailand I wrote three ebooks of poetry that I had hoped would produce a little bit of income over the years. Just a side gig if things go sideways. Not the be-all-end-all plan, but something supplementary when the chips were down.  The chips are down and the ebooks haven't sold. I promote them but nothing happens. And that means there is no way to one day publish them as real books. I need sales to bring in the royalty checks, but it isn't happening. There are other ebooks I need to edit and make available. Got to get the current ebooks selling first.

Since returning from overseas I have continued writing poetry. I've been learning about other poetic forms that rarely get discussed. I've attempted writing in some of those forms and found the experience to be fulfilling. They have helped make me a better writer. Soon I will feel comfortable looking for markets for my work. Then I will learn more about my shortcomings as a writer and what I need to do to improve.

I have a design or two for t-shirts to promote 23 Country Music Highway, but that market is unpredictable. It's also costly. I don't have the money to produce the shirts in sufficient quantity, though I think they might sell during First Friday events, and during the July 4 weekend, and Poage's Landing Days here in Ashland, Kentucky. They might even sell in some of the shops here in town.

"If you aim at nothing, you will hit nothing."

I have three targets to aim at this year. I will hit them. I will do what I can to make every shot count in this rimfire year.

You can find my ebooks through www.goodreads.com. The Chiang Mai Sessions, The Bangkok Sessions, and Shadows of Doi Suthep are also available on Amazon.

Psalm 119: 1-8

Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! 2 Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, Who seek Him with the whole heart! 3 They also do no iniquity; They walk in His ways. 4 You have commanded us to keep Your precepts diligently. 5 Oh, that my ways were directed to keep Your statutes! 6 Then I would not be ashamed when I look into all Your commandments. 7 I will praise You with uprightness of heart when I learn Your righteous judgments. 8 I will keep Your statutes; Oh, do not forsake me utterly!

This past week I reread ch. 27 of Patriarchs and Prophets, which focuses on the events of Exodus 19 through 24.
Moses was called to the top of the mountain to meet with God who had a message for the people.
"You have seen what I did unto the Egyptians and how I bore you on eagle's wings and brought you unto Myself. Now, therefore, if you will obey My voice indeed, and keep My covenant, then you will be a peculiar treasure unto Me above all people, for all the earth is Mine, and you will be unto Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation."
Moses delivered this message to the elders. They said, "All that the Lord has spoken we will do."
Ellen White wrote, "Thus they entered into a solemn covenant with God, pledging themselves to accept Him as their ruler, by which they became in special sense, the subjects of His authority.
"God purposed to make the occasion of speaking His law a scene of awful grandeur, in keeping with its exalted character. The people were to be impressed that everything connected with the service of God must be regarded with the greatest reverence."
Two days were given for the people to prepare themselves to meet God. They were to bathe, wash their clothes, and examine themselves for any other impurities, as they were to devote themselves to humiliation, fasting, and prayer so that their hearts would be prepared for the Lord's visitation upon them on the third day.
On that day on Mt. Sinai, there were dark clouds, flashes of lightning, peals of thunder, and the sounds of approaching trumpets. It appeared as if the whole of the mountain was on fire, and all of Israel fell on their faces.
We have seen photos and videos of volcanos waking up, spewing forth dark clouds of ash and the lava flow that soon follows, leaving a trail of destruction when the fires eventually burn out. I am sure that the people of Israel thought that death was imminent because of what they saw on the burning mountaintop.
And then suddenly... all the earth grew silent. No more dreadful thunder. No more sound of blasting trumpets. No bird song, no insect hum or chirp. Total silence.
And then a voice speaks. It had to be the most beautiful sound the universe had ever heard. It was the voice of a loving Father opening His heart to His children as He made His will known to them.
"I am the Lord thy God..."
It was at this moment that God entrusted His will with the children of Israel, making them the guardians and keepers of His law. And it was to be through this kingdom of priests that the world was to learn about God's love, mercy, grace, and so much more. Ellen White stated that God honored Israel with this trust. It was to be an honor to take His words found in Exodus 20 to heart and mind and to bring them to life, not on hearts of stone, but on hearts of flesh.
This is part of our legacy. Today, living in this world of trouble, we have been given the honor of being called the children of God and as such have been entrusted with the knowledge of His will. We have been called upon to live according to His precepts, statutes, laws, and commandments.
And it is His love that is the foundation for all these things. "You will love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as you love yourself." (Luke 10:27)
As I look at how things are going on in our country, the way people, particularly Christians, have allowed themselves to be split along political lines, I see the need to remind us of Leviticus 19: 17 and 18: You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself. I am the Lord."
Our Father has laid down the law and expects us to play by His rules. Jesus prayed for our unity, and we must be united under His banner that proclaims His love for us. We need to stand united on His love. And we need to be taking this very seriously. If we need to stop and wonder about how serious this matter is, then we need to stop and wonder at the cross where Jesus died.
There are too many standing in the pulpit today who claim that we do not need to be keeping the law and then quote a passage of scripture to back up the claim. This past week I finally got a grasp on the Dispensationalist teachings and understand why they believe it. Growing up I heard the terms on rare occasions, but their meaning never sank in. It took a video featuring Walter Veith discussing the Third Temple to help me understand it. "The age of law" was for the Jews, but we are now in "the age of grace" and the law no longer has any meaning to us as Christians. Because of this, there is a lot in both the Old and New Testaments that never get brought up in a sermon. The issues are not studied because the issues are not important. But God said it, and that settles it, and what He said is not to be ignored. It was important enough for Him to bring up the matter. It should be important enough for all of us to take notice and listen.
Daniel wrote about the Little Horn that thought to changes times and laws, and it succeeded in doing so. And those Dispensationalists who teach that we are no longer "under the law" in their context have successfully avoided other teachings by Paul and John that suggest otherwise. It is probably why no one ever preaches from Psalm 119. The Dispensationalists don't even know they are teaching doctrines that originated with the Little Horn power. And it takes a love committed to God that comes from our heart and soul and strength and mind to rebuke them. God's love seeks to restore them, not drive them away.
To hear some teach on the subjects of law and grace, one could draw the conclusion that the kingdom of heaven is total anarchy. There are no laws governing the behavior of its subjects. People are free to do that which they will with no thought about the consequences. Sure, they believe in heaven and hell, but believe that all sins are forgiven in the past, present, and future, so anything goes. Not under law, but under grace. It shows belief in God but denies His power to change lives, and sin continues in the hopes that grace will abound. We know what Romans 8 has to say about that. "Do we sin so that grace may abound? God forbid!" David studied God's laws, precepts, statutes, and commandments so that he would not sin against God. Paul understood the freedom we have regarding the law, but knowing his character he chose to continue focusing on God's law so that he would not sin.
In the OT, God encouraged His children to study the law and to pass it on to the next generation. When a parent is asked by a child why the law is studied and practiced so diligently, the parent was to remind the child of how God delivered their people from bondage and slavery in Egypt. They were also taught that Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord and that "the just shall live by faith" is found in the OT. (Habbakuk 2:4)
Today we, too, should be diligent in teaching the next generation to regard God's law and be diligent in obedience. We share the heritage of our spiritual forefathers who were delivered from Pharaoh, but we also have been delivered from the power of sin in our lives. We no longer have to continue sinning. Sin need not dwell in our lives. Jesus died to save us from the penalty of our past sins, and His imputed righteousness covers us when we confess the sins of today. It is trusting God's word and obeying His laws that ensure that there are no future sins. And again it is God's grace that makes all of this possible. God's grace has always been there from the beginning. There is no dispensation of law or a dispensation of grace. They have worked together from the beginning. It is because of His grace that we are motivated to obedience to His law. I have heard it said by some people that we cannot know the will of God. This is not true. The ten commandments are the very will of God written by His own finger into tablets of stone. It is His will for them to be engraved into our hearts and minds so that we do His will with no second thoughts and our motivation being grounded in love.
How many times in the New Testament are we told to be "holy," "blameless," "spotless," or "perfect"? John, Paul, Peter, even Jesus gave the encouragement to be perfect as the Father is perfect, that is to love others as the Father has loved us. The implication of Paul's words in Romans 12 is that our living sacrifice is to be as holy as that Jesus made on the cross.
We are encouraged to study the Bible, to pray without ceasing, to focus on meeting the needs of those around us. Love is the motivation in doing all these things. If we do these things but there is no love, then where is the profit? Where is the gain?
Jesus asked, "What does a man profit if he should gain the whole world but lose his soul?" (Matt. 16:26) What good are the treasures of this world, knowing that one day those treasures will all be consumed in a world-cleansing fire? If we love the people around us, then witnessing their conversion to Christ is adding to the treasures of heaven above us that will be a blessing we share for eternity.
In 1 Corinthians 10, 23 and 24, the New King James version says that "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being. The NIV says, "I have the right to do anything," you say - but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything" - but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good but the good of others.
We can easily put into this passage the word "profit". Not all things are profitable, helpful, constructive, or edifying. However, when love is on the line, there are ten things we can do that guarantee a good profit because they are helpful, constructive, and edifying. It is profitable to honor God's law. As Christ fulfilled the law, so too we should allow the law to be fulfilled through us so that we, too, will be helpful, constructive, edifying to our neighbors. The profit for us is in finding them beside us before God on that day when we meet Him face to face and our knees bow and our tongues confess that Jesus is Lord.
There are many who dishonor God's law by breaking it, ignoring it, spreading misinformation about its role in contemporary life. We who know differently have been given a special place in our world, honored to be among those who are "repairers of the breach" and seek to restore honor to the law, for that law is a true reflection of the character of our God. It is a revelation of His honor that results in His promises being kept. And that character is what God seeks to build in our lives, and in the lives of those who do not as yet understand the implications of their false teachings.
The law that we keep is the perfect law of liberty that is holy, just, and good. The law cannot save us, as that is not its intention. However, when those who hunger and thirst after righteousness allow God to write His law into their hearts and minds, they will be filled. And they will be poured out. And they will come back for more. Of them, it will be said, "Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord. Blessed are they that keep his testimonies and that seek Him with the whole heart. They also do no iniquity; They walk in His ways." Ps. 119:1-3
Salvation is offered universally. All who come will find redemption, forgiveness, and a whole lot of love. But it comes with a calling to take up the cross and to follow wherever Jesus leads and to do whatever the Holy Spirit commands. As it was for the children of Israel to be given the honor of serving the human race through obedience to the law given to them at Sinai, so it is with us today, honored with the privilege to serve in this area, our mission field. It is an honor to be numbered among the saints who keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus. (Rev. 14:12) It is an honor to prepare the way of the Lord. Blessed is He that comes in the name of the Lord.

Over the last several months on Facebook, I've been part of several groups focused on discussing personality theory based on the works of Dr. Carl Jung. The groups are made up of members who identify themselves as INFJ or INTJ. This is based on the results of the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, which breaks personality down into sixteen different types. When I took the test, there was one question that I felt I could answer two ways. I gave one answer first, then went back and changed that answer. The result looks like this:

Introverted - iNtuitive - Thinking / Feeling - Judging

From all the reading I have done on the subject, I do have a lot of traits belonging to both personality types. The result is that I do a lot of overthinking and overfeeling. The end result is seen in my shopping habits. I will look at a product, think about it, think about it some more, and ultimately will make the purchase based on emotion rather than intellect. It is not like this when I am shopping for groceries. I already know what I want from that standpoint, and when I am sure I have money for it, I will try something new. But jeans, magazines, books, among other things I think about a lot. I either need it and it is critical, and the purchase is made, or it is something I do not need, and have extra cash and can make the purchase, or I'm not sure what I want and will look around for a while before deciding whether or not I will buy it now or later.

There are times when it feels like I have four tornadoes in my head blowing around. They are about -10 degrees off true, and things just cycle through at speeds between F3 and F5 when compared to actual tornadoes. It isn't always pleasant, and has caused me a lot of sleep. It is even worse if there is a girl on my mind that I am interested in. When that happens, I have to work hard to make sure it isn't some obsession setting in. Been single too long, and with my record in relationships, I can't handle it very well in my mind or in my heart. I figure I got one last burst of energy for the search, and when it is gone, Game Over.

I've read the struggles of other people like me, and some of it is heartwrenching. Some hate feeling too deeply. Some hate thinking too deeply. They can't turn off their thoughts or their feelings, and they don't particularly care about the things that come to mind, especially when trying to get to sleep. Past mistakes, things they should have said or done, and other weird stuff that shouldn't matter now overload them. Happens to me, as well. I've been dealing with broken sleep habits for over three months. Most of the time I go to bed, sleep a couple of hours, then I'm up for four hours before going back to sleep. I've had to stop cardio therapy because of this. No real sleep at night, and that would only affect my performance in rehab.

I am hoping to go back to rehab next month. I want normal sleep habits restored, and it is going to take time and discipline to get it right. I need the cardio, and I need more of it. The weight has to come off, and to make it happen, the overthinking and overfeeling have to be dialed down for a while. Wish me luck.

My first story for The Greater Ashland Beacon was published today. It looks at Victims Rights Week and the healing process that survivors and victims of crime go through following the tragedy. The story can be found on page two.

I'm staying focused on the challenges that arise when attempting to write poetry every day. Sometimes I like the results that come out on paper. Sometimes it isn't working. Forcing a poem results in a mess, no matter how well it fits the framework. Three poems I've completed so far this month make pretty good stories. A third poem I've been working with is almost finished. One is a western. One is Medieval fantasy and is still in the works. Some of the poems find inspiration in martial arts. Overall, it has been a good time writing this month, and though the brain grows weary in writing, I like the results that have come out of it.

I have some other ideas that want to be worked on, so I will see how things go with them. It would probably be easier to work on them if I had Internet service on my own computer. +

Frustrations abound where weight loss is concerned. I'm having difficulty walking because of the weight gain. Cardio therapy hasn't helped, as I only go in twice a week. I think I push the exercise bike too hard, taking on 20 minutes at a time when I can. I don't like the NuStep machine, as it only makes my knees hurt that much more. Doctor's orders have me limited to 2000 mgs of sodium and 64 ounces of fluid a day. I take my prescriptions. I may as well start counting calories to go along with it.

In about two weeks I should be getting paid, so I can once again join the Tai Chi class downtown. I need it. Tai Chi is more interesting when among people of like mind who are there to experience it, as well. And I need to get back into Taekwondo, as well. TKD burns the calories a lot more quickly.

Once again I have taken up the challenge of writing one poem a day for 30 days as part of the celebration that is National Poetry Month. The writing is going well, as I have managed to put something to paper every day so far this month. The only drawback has been with ideas on what to write about. Occasionally I feel tired as I try to come up with something to say.

I have been using the Bryant McGill Rhyming Dictionary to assist in the writing process. It gives me a clean writing space in which to work, as well as offers a wide variety of words or family names that rhyme with the lines I'm working on. Also, it does a decent job of counting syllables for each line. I am also using a rhyming dictionary from Scholastic that I purchased in Thailand. Both have helped me improve my writing.

This time around I have written longer poems that tell a story, or at least are the opening lines for a story that I will let readers write for themselves. Other poems are filled with social commentary or are based on memories from years ago that threaten to become dreams.

There are other challenges that I am currently facing at the time, involving finding a job, finding permanent housing, and getting some cash coming in so I can start living more independently of the System. Once upon a time people wanted to have the job, the family, the car, the house, and to be able to say that it was all paid for and they were debt free. From where I sit, I feel a sadness that the American dream of 30 years ago has ceased to exist, and has been replaced by the desire to get all the free stuff you can get while supplies last. The hard part is feeling like I no longer belong here, because the number of people who are probably sharing my opinion on this are decreasing in number every day.

Yeah. For whatever reason I still hang on to some threat of hope that things will improve. Don't know when. Don't know how. Don't know if I will have a part to play in it. I want to see the future happen, and I want to do my part in taking on the challenges that are mine to accept, and to assist others when needed to help them achieve their own goals. Until it is officially "Game Over," I got stuff to do and not a lot of time to get it done. In the meantime...

When I was making plans for what I was going to do after I returned to the US, there were some things I was hoping to avoid. I wanted to return home and pay respects to my mom and my nephew, visit with some friends I hadn't seen in ten years, and find a job in Tennessee. Things went in reverse order, though. I got a job in Tennessee that I wasn't qualified for, then ended up in Kentucky, where I paid respects to my mom but not yet to my nephew, and have been unemployed since arriving.

Then came the hospital stays for congestive heart failure in August and September. Then came the prescription drugs for hypertension, thyroid, and removing excess fluids. Then came the monthly visits with health care professionals. Then came physical therapy. Then came the application for SSI. Then came the most recent visit to the eye doctor who couldn't do a pupil dilation and who told me to visit with specialists in Lexington, Kentucky, but only with a recommendation from my primary care physician. The glasses I got while in Tennessee are no longer correcting my vision like they did a year ago when I first got them.

I know how I feel right now. It is unfortunate that I am too easily winded, but I am trying to lose the excess weight. I walk most places if they are within ten blocks, and on Saturdays I walk a lot further than that so I can attend church. Fortunately, I haven't come down with a cold, which according to one of my HCPs can easily turn into pneumonia based on my condition. Sundays I attend church with my sister, and try to contribute something to their Sunday School discussions. Other than that, I have a place to stay at the Salvation Army shelter and am able to look for a job and for housing.

Writing poetry is one thing. I wish that the 3,000 friends on Facebook would have bought them, but to date only $11 is on my account at BookBaby.com. I need to be writing more than just poetry, and don't care much for the jam in my head that is making things more difficult than they are.

I'm tired of walking. The two tears in my backpack are eventually going to rip, and then no more backpack that I've been carrying with me since I was in Chuncheon, South Korea. It's been on my back through six countries and three states. Gonna miss it a lot when it finally gives up the ghost. And it will be a long time before I will be able to replace it. Other than that, I do have a bus pass, which is good for a warm place to sit in the mornings. Unfortunately, there is no bus service on Saturdays or Sundays.

I could have it a lot worse. I know that. But there is no way of knowing if things had gone the way I planned, in the order that I had them planned out, if things would be any better. Idiots and imbeciles will tell me that I have to make due with the hand that I've been dealt. I have done this in the past many times and have long since stopped playing card games. There is no enjoyment in them for me. But I can say that about a lot of other things, as well.

More later.

innocence detested
innocence protested
let's burn the town to the ground
unsanctioned aggression
primitive regression
let's burn the town to the ground
tell us why we should care
apathy stops to stare
as no one is safe and sound

take the cause to the street
and knock them off their feet
just watch and don't make a sound
we don't want to make war
we won't take any more
tired of going to ground
we're tired of our plight
we've no choice but to fight
and here we will stand our ground

I have three ebooks available through several ebook sellers. Here are some links.

The Chiang Mai Sessions

Amazon.com

Barnes and Noble

iTunes Store

Goodreads.com

Kobo Books

The Bangkok Sessions

Amazon.com

Barnes and Noble

iTunes Store

Goodreads.com

Kobo Books

Shadows of Doi Suthep

Amazon.com

Barnes and Noble

Goodreads.com

iTunes Store

Kobo Books

A fourth collection of poetry is in the works. "Under Crushed Black Velvet Skies" is my poetry journal from April, 2013. It features all the poems I wrote in answer to a challenge to write a poem a day during National Poetry Month, which is promoted by the Academy of American Poets. I hope to have it available by the end of the week.

April is National Poetry Month, sponsored by the Academy of American Poets in the interest of exposing more people to the joys of poetry and the creative minds behind the words. Last year was a productive month for me, as I was able to write a minimum of one poem a day for 30 days. This month has been more stifled for me, however. My last teaching job ended and I found a job in the Chiang Mai area, tutoring Chinese students online. Orientation for the position ran from April 7 to April 9, and I start officially this coming Wednesday. So this month has been rather busy. Instead of writing one poem a day, it is my goal to write at least 30 poems for the month, and it is hoped that I will exceed my goal.

This month marks the fourth anniversary of my departure from Chiang Mai to Ubon Ratchathani, and it also marks my return. I missed this place on some levels. It is good to be back. Unfortunately, it is Songkran week, the celebration of the Thai new year that turns the country into an armed camp of squirt gun and supersoaker armed people out to hose you before you hose them. Beware the buckets of water that are in your face, as well as the threat of water balloons marked "to whom it may concern." That is very much an indiscriminate way of making a splash with you.

More later.