With each passing year I seem to dislike Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day a little bit less. This year the cynicism is still there, as is the disappointment as the turn of the year rapidly approaches. It doesn't help that we are looking at another election year full of useless political rhetoric that will pollute the airwaves and tie up Internet bandwidth that could be used for more trivial pursuits. Face it, I am not a person who enjoys winter and has yet to find what he is looking for on too many levels.

Nearly 30 years ago I was a student considering law enforcement as a career path, but by December of 1988 I decided to change my major. I got into journalism and eventually finished that degree. I grew up on police shows like "Dragnet" and "Adam-12." Later on I was hooked on "Hill Street Blues" and "Homicide: Life in the Streets." I didn't like "NYPD Blue." It was lacking something. I also read non-fiction books focusing on what it meant to be a police officer. One lesson I learned early on was "people lie."

Last week I followed up on an Internet rumor concerning the militarization of the American law enforcement. The Dept. of Defense has been arming the civilian police departments with M-16 rifles, grenade launchers, armored personnel carriers, helicopters, among other things. In the "other things" department we can add to the list Predator drones. Remotely piloted vehicles are now used by some of the larger cities in the US to monitor everything you can think of, from major traffic routes to the cows on your neighbor's farm. A story out of North Dakota is about how a family was arrested following the theft of six cows from a neighbor's farm during a standoff with police. A Predator used for surveillance detected the theft.

The Intel Hub reported that in 2010 the DoD gave $212 million worth of equipment to civilian law enforcement. This year the amount was estimated at $500 million. Next year it is believed that $2 billion will be given away. Next year is an election year. Obama should be asking "should I stay or should I go." Meanwhile, Ron Paul is the only candidate who seems to have the heart of the People. Until then we are watching to see what happens with Senate bill 1867, which will make the continental US a battlefield and give the military authority to detain without charges or a trial any American citizen for an indefinite period of time. It also affects the Uniform Code of Military Justice concerning sex with animals, which has animal rights activists wondering what is going on.

For a season that was once known for "Peace on Earth, Good Will to all Mankind," things certainly have changed. How generous of the DoD to give the gifts that keep on giving to local police departments who face challenges of peaceful protests and the resulting violence that comes out of it when they attempt to break it up. Will civil unrest continue on next year? I say "YES." Will it be as bad in the US as it has been for Iceland, Greece, Spain and other countries that are still experiencing political corruption at its finest? I say "PROBABLY."

I don't see much good coming out of 2012. I think that the Republicans will throw another election, just like they did with John McCain and Sara Palin. Obama, who does not deserve another four years in the White House, should be sent on permanent vacation to a country where people like him can happily coexist. I think he would be at home hanging out with Bobby Mugabe of Zimbabwe. They seem to be political birds of a feather. What they have done to their countries are somewhat comparable. It took Mugabe longer to do his damage than it did for Obama to do his.

Unfortunately, Obama will not be vetted to see if he is constitutionally qualified to run for president, just like he wasn't vetted four years ago. And his political record will be "modified" to make him smell like a sixty-day air freshener to the voters who can't handle the losing scent of the candidates the Republicans finally anoint to be their Messiah. In the meantime, those of us who love a good mystery will just have to sit back and wait to see what Sheriff Joe turns up in his investigation into the forged documents that came out earlier this year claiming Obama was born in Hawaii. At least one thing will prove to be interesting in February. Let's see if the investigators live to tell about it.

You ever hear one of those songs that just nails you in such a way that you wish it could be the title track of your life? Or maybe, in a way that is better left undefined, the song says things in such a way that you wish you could make it the title track of your relationship with one person, and only that one person, even if that person is half reality-half figment of your imagination. Such is the danger, I guess, in idealizing and glamorizing the nasty side of romance. Life is never like the song on the radio, but we wish it was. Singers and songwriters say the things by proxy what we want to say to that one person, and silently we pray that things will never change, afraid of what tomorrow will bring. To real or imagined, wish you were here...

Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) - both versions are covers

Mike Masse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt9Cp7gZrqU&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Cherry Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km5VAR5HCCU

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One of my downfalls is that I have become too used to disappointment. I'm used to it. What makes it worse is that my fuse seems to get shorter with each passing day. The overwhelming double standard of expectations blows me away. It is not okay for me to disappoint others. However, if others let me down, I have to live with the consequences and can't do anything about it. Doesn't matter if what they do leaves me short of cash. The last three months have been loaded with this kind of disappointment.

It is no surprise to me that I often want to take a long piece of bamboo, cut it down to a 5-foot long stick, and just walk into the wilderness, leaving to the losers I encounter every day to do what they will do to each other. I have read about Enoch, the man who loved God so deeply and passionately that, one day as he was walking home, dwelling on his disappointment with the human race and longing to go home to be with his Father (not his God, but his Father, his Dad) that God mercifully opens the door for him. Enoch took one step in this world, followed by a second step, and a third step, and when he blinked he was surrounded by a spotless people who sang songs of glory on the day this world was created. I want to be like that. My ambitions in this world should be simple enough: be perfect as the Father is perfect, and have the mind of Christ. In other words, "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of these things shall be added unto you." Everything falls into place after the fact.

So why is it no surprise about wanting to take an extremely long hike in the woods? It is something that I experience every so often when I get tired of wasting time being practical, being pragmatic, taking what I can get with little to no payoff that makes it worth the effort. Long ago I drew the conclusion that neckties are for posers, people who want to look profesional without being professional. I have three neckties, and it has been over a year since I wore one. I am thinking of giving them to some people as a sign of gratitude for all the bad advice in men's fashion they have shared with me. If the shirt doesn't have a banded collar or mandarin collar, don't waste my time "encouraging" me to put it on and wearing a necktie with it.

Yeah, I got some anger I am trying to work through. I try to be open and available to anyone who wants to talk about stuff, but as much as I try to dislodge the ever-present chip on my shoulder, nothing seems to work, so people stay away and let me confront the stuff in my life that I would rather leave behind as they open up and tell me stuff about their lives. I'm empathetic to other people's problems. Just don't have ten people come up to me in five minutes or less and ask the same blasted questions. The end result is that I feel like I am repeating myself, and its a drag that all too often when I do try opening up no one listens. Answering the same question over and over again is not healthy. Besides, I don't do small talk very well. I need more than that. Lonliness is a killer. It isn't much fun during the holidays, either. At least ask if the proverbial chip on the shoulder is Pringles or Frito-Lay. 

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It's been thirty years since John Lennon was killed. I was not that big of a fan of The Beatles, though I did like a few of their songs. Other people experienced a greater impact from his music than I did. 

 "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

This is what the First Amendment states, plainly and clearly. Too many people have bled and died to preserve the constitution of the United States because of it guarantees the People. Our senators and representatives swore an oath to preserve and to defend the constitution. Those who vote in favor of this are in violation of their oath of office and hold the People in contempt, and the sacrifice of the men and women who served the People is of little meaning. 

If you agree with the following letter, then go to the website and sign the petition.

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I am a constituent and I urge you to reject the Internet Blacklist Bills (PROTECT IP Act in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act in the House). 
 
I do *not* want the government to have the power to block websites. 
 
The Internet Blacklist bill will open the sites I love to crushing lawsuits, and kill jobs in the tech sector. 
I urge you to join Senator Wyden and other members of Congress in opposing it.

You see it coming and don't have time to blink. You go from feeling fine to feeling nothing in less than 0.25 second. You hear nothing. You see nothing. You feel nothing. 

Something unseen touches you. Eyes open but all in your field of vision is a massive blur of color, maybe a second of clarity as someone shouts something unintelligible at you. Numbness embraces you from head to foot. Nothing feels broken. Still you feel like an egg flipped in a frying pan and have no strength to move, though you want desperately to move, to make sure that you truly are dreaming. A sensation slowly creeps into your body and you know it isn't a dream.

Before you can be thankful for the return of the numbness, all fades to black one more time.

No shouting. No motion blurr. No odors. No color. A comforting blackness surrounds you, as black as the deepest midnight sleep mercifully free of dreams.

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Movies don't do justice to war and those who bravely go off to face it.  My imagination cannot conceive of what really happened that hot, dusty day in Kandahar Province, Afghanistan. I try to imagine the vehicle being hit by an improvised explosive device. I try to imagine what the soldiers in the "Mine-Resistant Ambush-Protected" Stryker experienced when the device exploded. I cannot. 

I read one testimony. The explosion. Waking up and shaking it off. Seeing two other buddies alive and relatively well in spite of things.

The words that come next hit worse than any bullet or bomb could do. One of the buddies was killed.

Two months ago my nephew, PFC Brandon S. Mullins, was killed in action as he drove an MR-AP Stryker through a hot, dusty Afghan day, fighting a war that some clain they don't understand and others, for their own reasons, still support. It is a war that Barack Obama promised to end. Obama lied and a lot of kids died. Thank you, President Johnson II. 

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This morning I went to Thung Sri Muang Park and celebrated Remembrance Day with Australians and Brits and Americans and Thai people who are the decendants of a brave generation that rose to the challenge of World War II and overcame them. Thailand's politicians gave themselves to the Japanese before the war picked up in 1940, so they had it much easier than the allied prisoners who would one day build airstrips used by the Japanese air force to bomb Burma in their drive east. Allied POWs would also build the Thailand-Burma railway, as well as the famed bridge on the Kwai River in Kanchanaburi. After the war was over, surviving POWs came to call this area "Mother Ubon" in gratitude of the Thai people who put their lives at risk taking care of them. 

I've been thinking about Brandon and his brother and his future brother-in-law who are still serving in the army. Been thinking about the events of 9/11 and the wars that have been fought throughout human history. The last 24 hours have been filled with thoughts of war. How many battles can I name? Too many. My grandmother's generation saw family members serving in Europe and in the Pacific. My great uncle brought back a Japanese rifle from Okinawa that I got to hold once. Then there are the other stories of ancestors going back to both sides of the Big Mess of 1861-1865. We are still fighting over that issue. 

People say "Thank You" to the veterans who fight for freedom. It is deserved. Thing is, we are all to be freedom fighters. Some are skilled with a gun. Others are skilled with a pen. Different talents are to be used in the fight for freedom, liberty, and the inalienable rights that our Creator so graciously and kindly blessed us with. We cannot pick one issue, say religious freedom, and stand opposed to another issue, say gun rights. We either support freedom, liberty, and the rights of all, or we do not live up to our duties as human beings. "No greater love has any man than this, that he lay down his life for a friend." - Jesus Christ. We are all called to make sacrifices. We are all called to love above all the lives of others. It takes more than bravery and courage to do such a thing as this.

It takes the greatest kind of love to help others to live.

If love was our guide in life, then we would all stand equally brave before the end as we know it. 

Twenty-one years ago I was baptized into the Seventh-day Adventist church. What a journey it has been.

When I was in high school I knew that one day I would attend a university that was operated by a church. I was a Free-Will Baptist back then, until around 1981, when I started attending a different type of baptist church. I didn't know I would eventually join the SDA church and graduate with a journalism degree from a school in Texas. Then again, after all the reruns of M*A*S*H, I never imagined myself going to South Korea and teaching English as a missionary. I had hope that one day I could learn a martial art, but never imagined myself learning in Asia. I never imagined myself as an "international speaker," but I have delivered messages in two countries and before audiences made up of Korean, Thai, and Karen people.  

Trust God. He will blow your imagination. The only thing He asks you to give up is... your life.

Over the last few weeks the Canon A-480 I purchased in September 2009 has had severe problems in focusing. The problem became more pronounced as the lens would grind gears as I zoomed in and out or turned off the camera. Lens retraction failures were becoming more than problematic, even leading to the motor heating up as it tried to open and close when turning it on or off. The sad day of retirement came yesterday with the purchase of a Canon A-800. As I left the store, I felt the hint of sorrow, briefly reflecting on the places the little camera and I had been over the last two years. Chiang Mai, Bangkok, Ayuthaya, Roi Et, Ubon Ratchathani, Vientiene, Suwannakhet... its a long list of places we traveled and sites we saw together. The A-480, purchased in Roi Et, was a good camera. May it have a worthy successor in the A-800.

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The legendary Steve Jobs of Apple Computer died from a rare form of cancer.  
Leonard Nimoy has retired from public life and Star Trek conventions.
Sara Palin said she would not run for the office of president of the United States.
At least there was one piece of good news this past week.

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Think Different - Advice I am still trying to apply to my life.

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Flooding in Thailand has killed 224 people. I will post some pictures of the flooding in Ubon as soon as I can.

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More later....

When I am away from the computer I think about the things I want to write about. When I am in front of the computer, either nothing comes to mind or I don't know where to begin. I may need to have to start writing this out and leave some room for silence or improvisation.

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Occasionally I am asked about my favorites lists. Favorite movie. Favorite song. Favorite ice cream. You get the picture. I can never narrow things down to a top ten list. I don't like to compare things and say one thing is better than another. I let everything stand on its own merits. And I hate generalities. 

I do have one thing I am not sure I know how to confess, as I am not certain I can adequately explain why I think "Jesus Christ Superstar" (1073) is my favorite film of all time. It makes me think about Christ the human being. Does it take away from His divinity? What did Andrew Lloyd Webber hope to accomplish with this rock opera? I will say that I do not believe it elevates Judas in any way for his treachery in selling Jesus out for a small sum of money. Judas was running on ego, and was therefore a danger to himself. His ego in the end killed him. 

As for Jesus Christ, I believe He is the only begotten Son of God. I understand His mission to earth and why He chose to die. He abdicated the throne of heaven, was born into poverty, showed His followers how to live by faith in His Father, glorified His Father in life and in death. He found favor in the eyes of God and among those who chose to return to Christ the throne of heaven that He willingly gave up. In His resurrection He gained a victory that has never been truly understood by sinful men. In the life of Christ we see the greatest lesson is that we do not have to sin. We can live perfect lives holy and acceptable before our heavenly Father if we choose to. We do not have to die and be eternally separated from our heavenly Father. If we miss eternity with Jesus Christ, then it is because we chose to go our separate ways. 

"Jesus Christ Superstar" does miss the point in a couple of areas. I do not see Jesus ever driving people away from Him like the scene involving the lepers, nor do I see Jesus threatening to change His mind as portrayed in Gethsemane. However, I think that all people claiming to be Christian have missed the key points concerning Jesus Christ. Some of us keep trying to get it right, though.

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Strangeness abounds with my thoughts on music. There has been very little new music recently that I like. Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars can fade away for all I care. Weird Al is still a contender, and always will be. I don't listen to much pop music anyway. I either watch music on YouTube, or occasionally download some Irish and Celtic music. Classic rock is comfort food, I guess. 

Doolin-Dalton by the Eagles
Recovering the Satellites by Counting Crows
Jungleland by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
Against the Wind and Someday Lady, You'll A'company Me  by Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band
Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay

These are some of the songs I've listened to a lot on YouTube. They have aged well. Lady Gaga will never sound as good in 30 years.

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I like ice cream, but I want a pizza.

It wasn't a day celebrated the way I would have liked. Got up, went to a computer cafe, was online for four hours and spoke with two of my nephews in the US, as well as a friend in Texas and a friend in Croatia. Those were the high points. I missed chatting with my Croat friend. It had been too long.

It was the first birthday without my mom and without my nephew, Brandon.

Doing the math, I have had my xanga for nearly eight years. While in South Korea I became a Xanga lifer. I'm here for the long haul. I will try to post more often.  

http://freedomremembered.com/index.php/pfc-brandon-s-mullins/

I still can't wrap my head around the news concerning the death, the sacrifice, of my nephew in Afghanistan. Maybe that is part of the problem. There are some things in this world that are unacceptable, and yet we continue to accept them anyway because we don't have what it takes to try to make a difference. We are too complacent. We are not to be inconvenienced. We are not to be bothered. For all the wrong reasons, we want to be left alone. In the end, the brave die young. One can only hope that in the end, one doesn't die alone. 

Greetings and Happy Sabbath from Ubon Ratchathani, Thailand.

I am sorry that I am not here to visit with you on this occasion. However, I am glad that each of you are here to celebrate the life of Sara Margaret Davis Heald, my mother and my prayer warrior.

Often it is said that we the living do not tell our loved ones our feelings, but once someone dies, everything meaningful gets said at the memorial service or at the funeral.  About two weeks ago, I wrote mom a brief letter, thanking her for her love, her prayers, her support, and the assorted baked goods she made throughout the years. In fourth grade it was Boston brown bread for lunch. She baked a lot of birthday cakes for us, as well as for others. Then there was the tradition of making and selling creamed candy every year for Christmas. That was a labor of love. 

Perhaps her greatest legacy to my sisters and I was the Christian faith we grew into as we grew up. Though we each went our separate paths, mom still loved us, continued praying for us, and supported our decisions on where we would worship. I am sure that in a way Mom was disappointed that she didn't get a son who became a Baptist preacher, but she did get a Seventh-day Adventist missionary out of it. On November 3, 1990, mom was in the Ashland Seventh-day Adventist church, standing with me as Pastor Randy Brehms baptized me into the fellowship of the church. These were the first steps of what I often consider to be a long, strange journey, an adventure that has taken me through parts of the US I never thought I would get to see, and ultimately to Asia, where I have been honored by my heavenly Father to preach in two countries. 

While in Texas, I felt impressed to return to Ashland, and it was a difficult decision to make. In June 2001,  after nearly ten years living there, I returned. In 2005 I learned of the missionary teacher position in Korea and applied for it. Over the next few months I learned why I was meant to return home. I was called back to say goodbye to Mom and everyone else I knew. The last time I saw Mom alive it was at the Tri-State Airport. Steve Sweeney, one of the members of the Ashland church, picked mom and me up early Sunday morning and drove us to the airport, and together we sat in the departure lounge waiting for my flight. We talked a little bit, then they opened the gate, we hugged, and I got on the plane. I knew I would not see mom again in this world. As the plane gained altitude, I spoke to God, saying, "I trust You, I trust You, I trust you." And God has blessed me in a variety of ways while living here in Asia.

I have been asked about returning to the US, especially during this time. All I can say is that I know Mom understood the call to serve as a missionary, and I believe that she would want me continuing on in God's service here where I am. As a Christian, I must follow the example of Jesus Christ, who said, "I must be about my Father's business." To return would be an act of disrespect to my mother's legacy of faith to me.  

Today has been rough on me, as I have thought about Brandon Mullins, my nephew who was killed a couple of days ago in Afghanistan.  I know that Cathy and Tom have been had a rough year, and it is difficult to know what to say. I know that their faith in God gets tested, and they are stronger for the trials. "Be strong and of good courage" was the advice of Joshua, and it not always easy to take this advice. However, it will help build the character we need to live in these days of evil. I have the assurance that these days will end, and am comforted that they will end in God's time. God knows what He is doing, and I trust Him I trust Him I trust Him. Soon enough death and hell will be cast into the lake of fire. I take comfort in this promise, and so my tears fall in peace. 

Until He appears, my prayer is "surely come quickly, Lord Jesus."

If I never see any of you again in this world, please be at peace. I will look for you in heaven. Please do not let my search for you be in vain. Surely come quickly to Lord Jesus.

In Jesus' name...