Over the last several months on Facebook, I've been part of several groups focused on discussing personality theory based on the works of Dr. Carl Jung. The groups are made up of members who identify themselves as INFJ or INTJ. This is based on the results of the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, which breaks personality down into sixteen different types. When I took the test, there was one question that I felt I could answer two ways. I gave one answer first, then went back and changed that answer. The result looks like this:
Introverted - iNtuitive - Thinking / Feeling - Judging
From all the reading I have done on the subject, I do have a lot of traits belonging to both personality types. The result is that I do a lot of overthinking and overfeeling. The end result is seen in my shopping habits. I will look at a product, think about it, think about it some more, and ultimately will make the purchase based on emotion rather than intellect. It is not like this when I am shopping for groceries. I already know what I want from that standpoint, and when I am sure I have money for it, I will try something new. But jeans, magazines, books, among other things I think about a lot. I either need it and it is critical, and the purchase is made, or it is something I do not need, and have extra cash and can make the purchase, or I'm not sure what I want and will look around for a while before deciding whether or not I will buy it now or later.
There are times when it feels like I have four tornadoes in my head blowing around. They are about -10 degrees off true, and things just cycle through at speeds between F3 and F5 when compared to actual tornadoes. It isn't always pleasant, and has caused me a lot of sleep. It is even worse if there is a girl on my mind that I am interested in. When that happens, I have to work hard to make sure it isn't some obsession setting in. Been single too long, and with my record in relationships, I can't handle it very well in my mind or in my heart. I figure I got one last burst of energy for the search, and when it is gone, Game Over.
I've read the struggles of other people like me, and some of it is heartwrenching. Some hate feeling too deeply. Some hate thinking too deeply. They can't turn off their thoughts or their feelings, and they don't particularly care about the things that come to mind, especially when trying to get to sleep. Past mistakes, things they should have said or done, and other weird stuff that shouldn't matter now overload them. Happens to me, as well. I've been dealing with broken sleep habits for over three months. Most of the time I go to bed, sleep a couple of hours, then I'm up for four hours before going back to sleep. I've had to stop cardio therapy because of this. No real sleep at night, and that would only affect my performance in rehab.
I am hoping to go back to rehab next month. I want normal sleep habits restored, and it is going to take time and discipline to get it right. I need the cardio, and I need more of it. The weight has to come off, and to make it happen, the overthinking and overfeeling have to be dialed down for a while. Wish me luck.
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