This past Monday was my 52nd birthday. Still have a lifetime to go.

I recently moved into a building that is over 100 years old. When it was first built, it served as a hospital for just over 30 years, and was bought out by King's Daughters Hospital. It eventually became an apartment building. I live on the second floor of the red brick structure. I like the place well enough, but I could really do without the cockroaches. I also need to do something so I can get the Internet going. It is sometimes a drag having to carry my computer to the library. Walking home with it on my back is a drag sometimes.

From the local library I have checked out a number of DVDs and a few books. Earlier this week I watched season one of The Last Ship. Someone invents a killer virus that destroys 2/3 of the planet while the ship is on a secret mission to the Arctic Ocean, looking for a cure. Now I need to find season two and get caught up. Season three is currently airing on TNT, as far as I know. I'm also rewatching Shogun, starring Richard Chamberlain and Toshiro Mifune. I've also watched season two three of Game of Thrones.

Things are well with the Ashland Beacon. I'm still writing stories, doing the interviews, doing the research for material to print.

One thing I do not quite get about my personality concerns the level of introversion I have. Some days it is pretty deep, and it is difficult to be around people. Other days I can handle it and get things done. It has cycles to it. I'm okay at the start of the month, but by the end of the month I want to avoid people. My personality type on the Meyers-Briggs Temperment Inventory is Introvert-iNtuitive-Thinking/Feeling-Judgement. Sometimes I want to socialize. Other times I want to disappear. And it is always mixed with this overthinking-overfeeling tendency, which slows me down when timing is critical.

More later.

purple buds and white flowers of March

Central Park, Ashland, Kentucky

early morning mist over the Ohio River at Ashland, KY

Pine cone hangs in there - late March 2016

you're so full of good cheer
like ice cream floating in root beer
who could resist your bright smile
and not walk with you one more mile
most guys act so cavalier
tryin' to talk with you for awhile

they fall all over the place
each come-on falls on its face
they can't resist your bright smile
so they sit and stare for awhile
the girls think its a disgrace
some of them are rather hostile

so you work out at the gym
but tell us, sweety, can you swim
some people just do not like you
so bright and cheerful through and through
the pool is full to the brim
and revenge is long overdue

My first story for The Greater Ashland Beacon was published today. It looks at Victims Rights Week and the healing process that survivors and victims of crime go through following the tragedy. The story can be found on page two.

I'm staying focused on the challenges that arise when attempting to write poetry every day. Sometimes I like the results that come out on paper. Sometimes it isn't working. Forcing a poem results in a mess, no matter how well it fits the framework. Three poems I've completed so far this month make pretty good stories. A third poem I've been working with is almost finished. One is a western. One is Medieval fantasy and is still in the works. Some of the poems find inspiration in martial arts. Overall, it has been a good time writing this month, and though the brain grows weary in writing, I like the results that have come out of it.

I have some other ideas that want to be worked on, so I will see how things go with them. It would probably be easier to work on them if I had Internet service on my own computer. +

Frustrations abound where weight loss is concerned. I'm having difficulty walking because of the weight gain. Cardio therapy hasn't helped, as I only go in twice a week. I think I push the exercise bike too hard, taking on 20 minutes at a time when I can. I don't like the NuStep machine, as it only makes my knees hurt that much more. Doctor's orders have me limited to 2000 mgs of sodium and 64 ounces of fluid a day. I take my prescriptions. I may as well start counting calories to go along with it.

In about two weeks I should be getting paid, so I can once again join the Tai Chi class downtown. I need it. Tai Chi is more interesting when among people of like mind who are there to experience it, as well. And I need to get back into Taekwondo, as well. TKD burns the calories a lot more quickly.

Once again I have taken up the challenge of writing one poem a day for 30 days as part of the celebration that is National Poetry Month. The writing is going well, as I have managed to put something to paper every day so far this month. The only drawback has been with ideas on what to write about. Occasionally I feel tired as I try to come up with something to say.

I have been using the Bryant McGill Rhyming Dictionary to assist in the writing process. It gives me a clean writing space in which to work, as well as offers a wide variety of words or family names that rhyme with the lines I'm working on. Also, it does a decent job of counting syllables for each line. I am also using a rhyming dictionary from Scholastic that I purchased in Thailand. Both have helped me improve my writing.

This time around I have written longer poems that tell a story, or at least are the opening lines for a story that I will let readers write for themselves. Other poems are filled with social commentary or are based on memories from years ago that threaten to become dreams.

There are other challenges that I am currently facing at the time, involving finding a job, finding permanent housing, and getting some cash coming in so I can start living more independently of the System. Once upon a time people wanted to have the job, the family, the car, the house, and to be able to say that it was all paid for and they were debt free. From where I sit, I feel a sadness that the American dream of 30 years ago has ceased to exist, and has been replaced by the desire to get all the free stuff you can get while supplies last. The hard part is feeling like I no longer belong here, because the number of people who are probably sharing my opinion on this are decreasing in number every day.

Yeah. For whatever reason I still hang on to some threat of hope that things will improve. Don't know when. Don't know how. Don't know if I will have a part to play in it. I want to see the future happen, and I want to do my part in taking on the challenges that are mine to accept, and to assist others when needed to help them achieve their own goals. Until it is officially "Game Over," I got stuff to do and not a lot of time to get it done. In the meantime...

here the raven's caw
and see all the things he saw
the wonder and the awe
from circling around the sky
waiting for something to die

When I was making plans for what I was going to do after I returned to the US, there were some things I was hoping to avoid. I wanted to return home and pay respects to my mom and my nephew, visit with some friends I hadn't seen in ten years, and find a job in Tennessee. Things went in reverse order, though. I got a job in Tennessee that I wasn't qualified for, then ended up in Kentucky, where I paid respects to my mom but not yet to my nephew, and have been unemployed since arriving.

Then came the hospital stays for congestive heart failure in August and September. Then came the prescription drugs for hypertension, thyroid, and removing excess fluids. Then came the monthly visits with health care professionals. Then came physical therapy. Then came the application for SSI. Then came the most recent visit to the eye doctor who couldn't do a pupil dilation and who told me to visit with specialists in Lexington, Kentucky, but only with a recommendation from my primary care physician. The glasses I got while in Tennessee are no longer correcting my vision like they did a year ago when I first got them.

I know how I feel right now. It is unfortunate that I am too easily winded, but I am trying to lose the excess weight. I walk most places if they are within ten blocks, and on Saturdays I walk a lot further than that so I can attend church. Fortunately, I haven't come down with a cold, which according to one of my HCPs can easily turn into pneumonia based on my condition. Sundays I attend church with my sister, and try to contribute something to their Sunday School discussions. Other than that, I have a place to stay at the Salvation Army shelter and am able to look for a job and for housing.

Writing poetry is one thing. I wish that the 3,000 friends on Facebook would have bought them, but to date only $11 is on my account at BookBaby.com. I need to be writing more than just poetry, and don't care much for the jam in my head that is making things more difficult than they are.

I'm tired of walking. The two tears in my backpack are eventually going to rip, and then no more backpack that I've been carrying with me since I was in Chuncheon, South Korea. It's been on my back through six countries and three states. Gonna miss it a lot when it finally gives up the ghost. And it will be a long time before I will be able to replace it. Other than that, I do have a bus pass, which is good for a warm place to sit in the mornings. Unfortunately, there is no bus service on Saturdays or Sundays.

I could have it a lot worse. I know that. But there is no way of knowing if things had gone the way I planned, in the order that I had them planned out, if things would be any better. Idiots and imbeciles will tell me that I have to make due with the hand that I've been dealt. I have done this in the past many times and have long since stopped playing card games. There is no enjoyment in them for me. But I can say that about a lot of other things, as well.

More later.

branches outstretched
a grounded tree
dreams of flight

--

While visiting a used bookstore in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I purchased a book on the subject of haiku. As a result, I have tried to be more selective in choosing words to convey the emotion of the moment when writing the Japanese forms. I like the 5-7-5 syllable form that is associated with the American school of thought regarding how to write them, but it gets more complicated when one breaks things down into how traditional haiku were written based on the long and short sounds of the language in which the form has its origin. We think in terms of syllable count, but the Japanese forms are more intricate than this, based on other sources I have come across in the last few weeks. I still haven't wrapped my head around what I have learned, and do not understand it enough yet to feel comfortable giving it a try.

I still focus my haiku on 5-7-5 and my tanka on 5-7-5-7-7 for the most part, but occasionally I do come up with something different that gets me outside of the form. I like the idea of knowing the form and being formless, as it releases the kung fu of poetry into what I write. There is a time for forms of poetry, but there is also a time for improvisation.

--

empty paper cup
crumpled and then discarded
gurgling water

--

new year's first full moon
hide-and-seek among the clouds
soon enough tears fall

--

sun, wind, rain, snow, mist
what comes next does not matter
it's been seen before
and it will be seen again
welcome each like an old friend

set up a game of chess
play it in the darkness
winning will take finesse
you might even progress
your enemy repress
each move you second-guess
but you're in the darkness
facing dark depression
writing your confession
dealing with repression
no peaceful succession
no end to oppression
end run to recession
friendly fire, suppression